Yup…..it’s happening….the workout and eating rut. It’s been about two weeks now and today it finally hit me. I stepped on the scale and wasn’t really happy with the number I saw. Granted it is still WAY lower than my heaviest, but just when I thought I had this thing called being over weight beat, all the emotions and feelings come flooding back when you’re in the “rut.”
It’s been over two and half years now since I started losing weight (in proof reading this, that last sentence just confirmed that I still see myself as the “Big Guy” by using the word “started” it means I will never stop!). I’ve been at my current weight (237-242) for the better part of 18 months. Over the last two weeks though, I have been slowly regressing back to some of my old eating habits again. On top of that, I’ve been either not going to the gym or not pushing myself as I have in the past. This comes off the heals of what I felt was an impressive performance in this years Ellington Triathlon, cutting 10 minutes off my time from the previous year. So why the hell is this happening?
Well the new job is starting to pick up the pace as school starts up in a few weeks. The second job is making for some long days, and the guilt of not being home or keeping up with the social media stuff is becoming over whelming.
Well a few things have happened over the last 48 hours that have made me reassess my priorities and force myself to refocus on what’s important to me. My health, my family & friends , my work, and most of all my role as an inspiration for people.
Let’s start with my health. Not that it’s getting bad, but I can feel it in my body that things aren’t right. I’m not saying that I’m in pain or agony, but things just don’t feel right. So I asked myself why. The answer was pretty simple. The old eating habits are rearing their ugly head. Over the past few weeks, I have been eating out more, especially at work. Let’s be clear though, I’m not eating fast food, but I’m eating food that is convenient. I have been going to a local sandwich shop that offers vegan, organic and all that good stuff on their menu, but the problem is portions!!! I’ll have a sandwich, a bowl of soup, a bag of lentil chips (http://plentils.com/ they’re actually really good) and wash it all down with a bottled beverage (not water). Now not that this is a really bad thing, but when you’re doing it 3-5 times per week, in combination with “slacking off” at the gym, well the body notices. Within this two-week period, my energy level has dropped, my thought process has slowed, and my drive has decreased. These are all too familiar feelings for me. This is how I felt 140 lbs. ago. I don’t want to go back to that. The thought of it just makes me sick to my stomach (how ironic) and I get very depressed about it.
So how do I get out of it, well I need to go back to what got me here. Logging my food again and reminding myself that sitting on the couch watching tv eating a box of Wheat Thins is not healthy. It’s not what I do anymore and it is not what I want to go back to doing. Today I went to the gym, and I pulled out one of my old workouts from 2 years ago. The one where I was just starting to get into weight lifting again. Simple basic exercises. I took that workout and added some new twists to it that I learned in my personal trainer certification class (Still waiting to see if I passed). Well let me tell you, it was the best workout I have had in weeks!!! I just wanted to prove to myself that I am no longer the fat guy trying to lose weight. I reminded myself why I was there….because it feels good!!!!
Everyone who has lost or is losing weight I’m sure has felt this at one point or another. Those of you who are starting to lose weight, consider yourself warned………THE WORK NEVER ENDS!! I’m not saying it to scare anyone who is trying to lose weight. I’m telling you this because I want you to prepare yourself for it. It’s going to happen and for me this is not the first time, but by far it is the worst time.
My family & friends. I think it goes without saying that it has put a strain on them also and I have noticed that they too are “slipping” back. One of the best parts about this whole journey has been the un-intended inspiration that my family has received from me. I’m sorry if I have let you down over the past few weeks. I know things have been crazy busy, but that it not an excuse.
Folks please understand that things aren’t perfect, but this rut I am in is having an impact and it is not exactly helping the situation. I need to step up for them. I need to continue to be the person they are proud of. I need to do this for them also! I need to continue to be the role model that they want!
The other day I met up with an old friend of mine that I have not seen is quite some time. I have to say, for me it was an extremely emotional moment, that I chose not to express at the time but it has really been on my mind. He is now where I was 4 years ago. I struggled internally as to what is my role here. As I have said before, I try not to be the person on the soap box telling people what to do, but I wanted to so badly and I didn’t know how. I want him to achieve what I have. I want him to feel the way I do. I want him to have the confidence I have (well not right now because I’m in a rut). This is where a new struggle is. I want to inspire people, but how do I inspire those that need it the most without being “that obnoxious guy who lost all the weight”.
My work. I really think this is going to be what will ultimately drag me out of this, at the same time, be the cause of significant stress. There are a lot of good things happening for me at work. Several projects that I am involved with have either been successful or are on their way to being successful. There are a lot of events coming up that will allow me to continue to share my story. I’m excited about all of this, but in this rut, the fear of failure is creeping back into my thoughts. This is a fear that has consumed me in the past, to the point where it would turn self-destructive. This is also the fear that would prevent me from trying to lose weight in the past. The fear of failure is very powerful. Overcoming that fear is even MORE POWERFUL!!!!
I have overcome that fear once, I am determined to do it again!!
Which brings me to the last part of being an inspiration.
Hands down, this is one of the best things to come out of my weight loss. It is also the last thing that was on my mind when I started to lose the weight. I was never a big fan of this at first because it has always been my nature to be humble (thanks dad!!!) I was never one to self promote and was lacking in self confidence. What has changed this is now I recognize that OTHER people are seeing “it” in me. They are seeing the impact that I can have. I think that’s why I want to be that inspiration now, especially at work. Not that I can save the world, but if one child can make the change I did, well then for me, that’s a job well done.